The 40 Year Old Virgin Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from The 40 Year Old Virgin by your favorite characters including Andy Stitzer, Cal and David.
Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women...Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master.
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David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: Your d**k tastes like s**t.
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Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.
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Cal: I hired a 90-lb girl to work in the stock room at Smart Tech for you, okay? I should've hired a 300-lb guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk.
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Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman f**kin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman f**kin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman f**king a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.
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Boy at Health Clinic: Wait, so you're a virgin? I'd tap that.
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, yeah, you'd 'tap that.' What, Seth, you think you're cool with your little Jew Fro? We don't say 'tap that.' What are you talking about, Seth?
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Andy Stitzer: How many pots have you smoken?
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David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a f**king immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.
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Jay: I am gonna hang your old ass by your turban.
Mooj: Oh, turban now! Do you see any f**king turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say 'Hey Jay, you want a slippy? You wanna slippy?' F**k you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn, Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a f**king Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
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Andy Stitzer: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
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Total Quotes: 40